hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize