I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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