I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
