i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
