dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My cat gives me a boner
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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