those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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