this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
