Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
