and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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