He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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