So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
