i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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