So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
