the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
