my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
