and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
