During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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