it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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