How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
