Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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