I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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