Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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