Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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