Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
