My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MIDGETS
????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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