i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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