no, he came in my armpit
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
