you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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