but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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