I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
