guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't deserve a penis
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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