My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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