This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I could make wine with my vomit
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
