You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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