He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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