with your own penis?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
