once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I just put wine in my tea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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