I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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