Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
