don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
