Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
