I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize