she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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