the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
