dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
