Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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