I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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