my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
