I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
