just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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