i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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