oh god the rape fog is back!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
