Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
