3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
