Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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