I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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