Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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