remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
