She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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