i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They are going to name an STD after you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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