I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
